Plans to Fly the Freak Flag

     I wish I was as cool as everyone seems to think I am.  I'm not spontaneous.  I mean I am to a degree, but within fairly strict boundaries.  I'm not apt to just jet off someplace without going home, making a list of things I'll need and packing and then leaving a note to my loved ones telling them where I've gone.  I wish I was that crazy wacky friend who always comes up with insane spontaneous activities but I'm not.  Now and then, I can mimic this sort of person, but my activities have always been planned out in my head first.  I've gone over and over the activity to see if this is indeed a fabulous idea, and then again to look for logistical problems with carrying out said plan.  Of course no one is aware of this, so I have the *appearance* of being utterly spontaneous, fun, and probably crazy.  Also, I don't think people are aware of the fact that I'm insecure.  A lot.  I dress completely opposite of those who shop at the Gap.  Does that sort of give you a picture?  I prefer to look as if I've just stepped out of Beetlejuice or an Addams Family movie.  That's just my style.  I'm not quite sure how it developed as the rest of my family could have easily just stepped out of a Gap commercial.  The only thingl I'm sure of...it wasn't spontaneous!